New York Fashion Week SS’14 started yesterday, Sept 5th, and I just remembered this afternoon. “Remembered” probably isn’t even a good word, since it was never on my mind in the first place… “Realized” is more accurate.
It might be because I’ve been busy with work, busy with planning upcoming trips, busy with personal relationships. It might also be because NYFW and the “Fashion” scene in general are out of my system.
When I first moved to New York City 4 years ago, I was set on becoming a part of this scene, a member of their culture. I had been fashion blogging for half a year, and was working for an iconic designer. It was a lot to keep up with, but it was all challenging, entertaining and fun. I attended one of the first Chictopia10 Summits, hosted during Fashion Week, at a chic but low key little art gallery in Chinatown. A few key players in the online fashion scene – editors, social media mavens and retailers spoke. Attendance was small, but featured fashion blogger ‘royalty’ – Jane Aldrige, the Glamourai, Karen from WhereDidUGetThat, etc.
I made a few new friends, but came back from that afternoon totally worn down. The conference afterparty was at the Tribeca Grand, but I left early and called my then-boyfriend over the phone, crying at a 24 hour McDonald’s on my way home. The fashion world was like a grown-up High School, complete with different cliques, those mean girls and its insider-lingo.
Over the next couple years, I continued to play a part at semi-annual Fashion Weeks on the behalf of my company -marketing events and livestreams, tweeting backstage, photographing Fashion’s Night Out and even walking in a show. It all still felt forced and a little scene-y …but like I said, it was fun, it was “cool” and after all, it was part of my job. I did feel like somewhat of a hypocrite -acting snobby and too cool around my “non-fashion” friends who wanted to party at FNO, yet bragging to them that I was photographed outside of the tents at Lincoln Center.
Scene-y and elite crowds are toxic environments (at least for me). I’ve never been good at playing the game, creating a “presence” or building popularity. My head gets jumbled up and I lose sight of priorities, of the bigger picture. We tend to think we’re different though, that we’re moving past it, but oftentimes just end up playing the game at a different scene.
That’s why when I stumbled upon this article and realized earlier today I had completely missed every NYFW memo, while living in downtown Manhattan and still working in “fashion” e-commerce, I felt a wave of relief. It was like letting an old-ex go, letting the resentment around him go, and feeling like you were safe to come back and observe from afar.
And I didn’t mean for this to sound cynical or snarky… it’s a personal peace of mind if anything. Love/hate relationships are better kept at a distance.